How can i get back at drawing?

I used to drawn a lot when I was younger, but nowadays is really hard for me to even hold a pencil, I grew in a really toxic family enviroment that made me so sick and that made feel some kinda of fear of drawing (because was my passion and they really hated that it was for art) caused by some kinda of trauma bc of the way they treated me when they saw me having that moment for myself. Now I am at home for some time and I wanted to get back to drawing and creating, but every single time I grab a pencil or something, I feel so nervous and have this urge to cry and feel anger, so I wanted to know if there's something that I can do for now that would make me feel more comfortable to drawn. I'm sorry if there is any grammar, english is not my mother language