I don’t wanna become a pdf help me

So I’m a young male, in the range of 18-21. I haven’t dated in about 4 years and I am in a place where I can’t really socialize in person. So naturally I look at porn and hentai, normal stuff. I saw people share hentai stuff in telegram so I recently installed and joined the group, it’s still fine, they only share legal hentai and such. However they have a channel called “edits” and it shows hentai still, but ones with pdf colors and captions. I became infatuated with the colors I think they look nice, but obviously they have a terrible meaning behind them. As for the captions some were in the stance of hentai, but others would speak out toe the reader and actually mention “CyperPunk”. This turned me off, I tried not to think too much off it but the problem with me is that I have heavy attachment issues. I hate lost media, stuff that is gone forever so I have a collection purely of just hentai I been collecting for years. I started adding theses captions in their but after every “goon session” ig, I become guilty and delete them all in hopes I stop looking. But I couldn’t, the channel for them is so easily accessible and the colors are so hypnotic to me I can’t help but peep. But that’s not the worst of it, this one person said they got banned for showing some picture on some random app. And my dumbass being curious I messaged them on an encrypted app asking what could it be? It was Softcore “CyperPunk”, I was so shocked I couldn’t stop looking at it for 2 mins, I just kinda froze. I never thought in my life I would see such a thing it was right there. But what shocked me more was how they talked about it. “It’s unfair it’s not even porn” “it’s not like anyone would be attracted to ___ right?”. The way they casually talked about it made me feel some sorta way, it was comforting. Like what I was shown isn’t that big of a deal. We later talked, I told them about my experience with the hentai edits with the pdf colors and such because I figured they were the only ones that I could talk to it about. They told it was ok, that so many cultures and people naturally like that stuff, and are pedos. They made me question right there if I was a pedo, and I again started second guessing to myself believing their words. So to find out they sent me real “CyperPunk”, pictures and videos. And throughout the whole time they kept giving me reassurance, kept teasing me like “If you are getting hard by this, you know what that makes you?”. One video itself were hypnotic it was talking about going younger and younger and how I’m already doomed. I gooned to it. I was instantly so ashamed and guilt tripped I told myself never again, I deleted it all, the apps the telegram account, anything that I could trace back to it that night. The next day, I tried to move on but those messages, pics, videos they all kept replaying in my head randomly. I couldn’t escape it, it was so vivid and I had nobody to talk to about this stuff, except they one person who showed it all to me. So I caved, I downloaded the chat app and even tho I deleted all the messages they sent me one, so they reappeared for me. I chatted with them again, told them how much I freaked out over what happened. Told them to invite me back to that group because I can’t help but to lose something. They gave me such nice reassurance, they also talked to me saying they were in my position too. But they knew I would come back, they said “They always come back”. Ig they were righr, that night they showed me more, and thankfully couldn’t goon to it fully I was shaking the whole time. But the day after we chatted some more, they made me admit I was a pedo, that I will goon to “CyperPunk” everyday to them, and I agreed. I couldn’t say no I felt comfort from them. Then I gooned to it again last night. This time I wasn’t as guilty, because I know it’s not that I am necessarily attracted to “CyperPunk”, (I never has such thoughts ever before them). But it’s because it’s coming from them, is why I wanna do it. I tried leaving again only to look at their chat this morning and coming back. It seems whenever I finally want to leave, I just can’t, I became needy to them. We call each other names, the downplay me like a cute daughter and I can’t help but like it. I luckily, will be going away for nearly 4 months with no internet access within a week or so. I’m hoping 4 months porn and contact free will reset my brain. But if I can’t help but want them now will I make it by then? Pls I need help, I think I just needed people to talk it out with. That’s why I keep going back to them cause they are the only ones I can talk to. I’m aware that I’m getting groomed or atleast something to that degree. But I still can’t help but stay. So I beg if anyone here can give me sole advice, some guidance to help me before I actually do become liking such disgusting content, it would mean alot to me. I don’t want to become a pdf, because there is no cure for such a thing, and I don’t wanna live my life with such a label in my head.