Had no idea I was going to have this reaction

I've gone to AA for a year and a half, and have been to like \~3 al-anon meetings but they were all pretty sparsely-attended hybrid meetings. Anyway tonight I went to one at my recovery center and had so much anxiety and emotion throughout the meeting ... my heart pounded through the whole thing and it hurt to breathe; I really had to focus on holding back tears especially when everyone just sat in silence. I have a lot of trauma, not just from watching my Q nearly die multiple times and almost kill others, but also from my own childhood. I've been to therapy, EMDR etc. but none of it ever fully resolved because I can't talk through it, I have mental blocks, but when I go to a safe space like this everything starts coming back up ... just wondering if this whole thing is going to actually help me. I am not ready to do ACA as it's too triggering ... just hope some of my issues can be addressed through al-anon ...