The Wizard Repo Man

Isaac parked his car under the single street light. The warm, yellow glow provided almost no illumination beyond a meter. But it comforted him as a relic of the past. 

He looked down at his sensor and found it was directing him to pretty much exactly this spot. He turned off the Integra and the headlights flipped down making the street darker. He peered out the windows at the derelict buildings. None had lights or looked inhabited. The barren lot to his right was also devoid of anything of note. The weeds and grasses poking through the chain link fence waved weakly in the late night breeze coming off the ocean. He checked the sensor one more time to make sure he was in the right spot. He was. He pulled himself in and picked up the device and got out of the car. The door squeaked loudly as it opened and he closed it gently behind him. 

He stood on the sidewalk next to his car in the warm glow and took in the night. From a street over he heard the deep base of the night clubs and the occasional burst of laughter from people enjoying the end of the night. The warm July night felt good. He knew the other streets were packed with people and parked cars but he was the only one on this street. Things were always weird with wizards. 

He looked both ways, even though he knew in his gut no other cars would be coming this way, then followed the sensor to where it was guiding him a few meters away. He stood on top of a manhole and sighed. Another sewer.

He went back and opened the trunk. He pulled out three orange cones, his manhole hook, his waterproof bag and his waders. He pulled the waders over his worn black suit. He looked ridiculous but he had learned his lesson on his first sewer stroll years ago. He set up the cones around the manhole and pried the cover off. He grunted with the effort and pulled up and over enough so he could fit in. He put on the head lamp and the gloves he kept in his bag. He climbed down the ladder. 

He was no longer disgusted by sewers. He knew he would adjust to the smell and the dark shortly. He looked down at the sensor. He estimated his new destination was about a kilometer away and started his march through the waste. 

A short while later his light illuminated a hole in the sewer wall. He went to it and found ancient look stairs descending deeper into the bowels of the city. The stairs were lined with burning blue torches. He didn’t need to pull the sensor out of the bag to know this was his next step and trudged down the stairs hoping there were not too many for his return trip. He stopped counting after 50 steps with no end in sight. His dissatisfaction with wizards growing. 

He heard the shouts and screams before he reached the end of the stairs. The ground occasionally shook too. These idiots were going to collapse all the concrete and buildings above them. He suppressed a growl of annoyance. He reached a landing where the stairway split. He crouched low and peeked over the stone railing. 

Below him were two groups of people having a wizard battle. Spells were flying, people were being burnt and healed. Screams of pain and yelps of surprise. One individual was leaping from fight to fight biting people! A vampire maybe? One to be watched. 

He looked down at his sensor which now revealed the face of his target. The face was of a man, young and handsome by his estimation. He seemed to be in the middle of the swirling spells and bedlam. His target's side seemed to be winning quite handily.  

Isaac put down his bag and took off his waders. He straightened his suit as it was important to be presentable in these situations or he wouldn’t be taken seriously. He put on his gloves and felt the warm comfort they provided and the thick kevlar in the knuckles. He reviewed his report once more, stood up and confidently strode down the right set of stairs. 

The battle had ended. The target had five people on their knees in front of him. They were bound by some magic. Deciding to be cautious Isaac pushed himself out as far as he could. 

His target was gloating over the woman and her companions. 

“Lyra, Lyra, Lyra,” he stage whispered and then continued loudly for all to hear, “How you thought you could stop me, ME!  Aurelion the Exquisite. It is laughable. You have all that power in your blood and refuse to use it. Your reluctance to harness your power is your undoing and now I will take it for myself.”

“I’ll NEVER help you!” the woman retorted and she spat in his face. The bloody spittle dripping down Aurelion’s face which was now enraged.

“How dare you,” he said coldly and pointed his wand at her. She froze completely, unable to move. His wand moved towards her left eye and he said, “You don’t need this for me to complete the ritual.” 

Isaac was tired of this already. He called out in a loud voice, “Aurelion!”

All the eyes in the room turned to him. The individual who had been biting people started to drift to his left. Isaac turned slightly to keep it in view. It didn’t look like a vampire up close. It carried itself like a wolf. It was too lean, dirty and savage for Isaac to determine its sex. The long, matted hair hung over its face obscuring its features except for bright teeth somehow gleaming through. Not totally human. 

“Who the bloody hell are you?” Aurelion demanded indignantly. He was furious to have been interrupted at his moment of triumph. 

“My name is unimportant. I am here on behalf of my client, Mrs Crackson’s Household Magical Spells. You have been using the Orchard Tongue spell without a license. You have over 350 violations and owe a total of 500,000 gold pieces. How would you like to pay?”

There had been a chuckle from both groups at the name of the spell. Isaac looked down at his report and saw that it was a spell that made black coffee taste like apple juice. 

He continued his spiel, “if you are unable to produce the fine I will need to take some collateral from you until payment is received.”  

Isaac pointed at a glowing orb being held by one of Aurelion’s minions, “That will do.”

Aurelion was intensely red, beautiful features twisted by anger and embarrassment. He roared and a jet of fire and intense heat roared towards Isaac. 

The flames disappeared about a meter and half away from him. He felt some of the heat and knew he had a powerful wizard and front of him, but still kept his eye on the feral creature to his left. 

That was a good idea. Whatever it was moved quicker than Isaac thought possible and it slammed into him. Its teeth trying to reach his throat. It was strong and fast but unrefined. All animal. Isaac held back the snapping jaw with one arm and with the other jammed his finger into its eye and wrenched. The eyeball didn’t come out but the thing retreated. Isaac gave it no time to recover and hit the thing as hard as he could in the face. The kevlar in his gloves prevented him from breaking his fingers and adding force to the impact. As it stumbled back Isaac charged forward and picked it up. He slammed it down as hard as it could into the hard stone making sure its head absorbed the full impact. It went limp in his grip and he knew it was out of the fight for now. 

Isaac stood up again. He went to straighten his suit and saw that it was torn. That was very annoying. He glared at Aurelion and said, “By section 2.13 of the Magical Enforcement Treaty between Nations I will be adding an additional 1500 gold pieces to your fine as you have resisted a lawful order to pay your fine or provide collateral.” 

Aurelion marched towards him, features still dark with rage but his voice held a tinge of fear as he addressed Isaac, “I will be giving you nothing, you will take nothing and this will be your grave!”

Aurelion reached into his robes and pulled an overly embossed dagger and stabbed at Isaac. 

This wizard was at least bright enough to not try another spell, though this was a clumsy attempt. 

Isaac stepped aside, caught his attacker's wrist and twisted. The dagger clattered to the floor. 

Aurelion drew breath to protest but Isaac’s fist caught him under his jaw. His teeth cracked together then blood and a piece of tongue fell to the floor as Aurelion screamed in pain. Isaac followed up with a savage headbutt to Aurelion’s nose because Isaac didn’t like him. 

He felt other spells melt around him and he turned to the remaining wizards. He pointed at the lackey holding the glowing orb. “Put it down and this all can be over.”

They all stared at him and he stared right back at them. There were no sounds except for Aurelions trying to control his sobs. The wizards then shared a glance and the lackey put the orb down and stepped back.

As Isaac walked toward the orb to retrieve it the light went out and it looked less impressive. Just a white stone. Isaac picked it up and placed it under his arm. He watched the remaining wizards gather Aurelion and withdraw down a side corridor. They left the savage creature. None of them seemed to want to get close to it. 

He sighed with relief, tonight was over. The tension he had been feeling drained from his shoulders. 

“Hey!” He heard a shout and remembered the woman and her companions. 

He walked over to them. As he got close their magical bindings disappeared and they stood. The woman in front, standing tall and proud. Her robes, though torn by the fight, were thick and richly made. He supposed most would find her attractive but the arrogant look and distaste in her eyes ruined that. 

“Thank you warrior for your timely intervention, we are in your debt. I am Lyra.” Her voice was deep for a woman. She spoke her name in a way that suggested he should know it. 

He waved her thanks away, looking back at all the stairs he would have to climb. The orb was getting heavy and it wouldn’t fit in his bag. 

One of her companions spoke up angrily, “How dare you turn your back on Lady Lyra! She is the daughter of High Magus Corvin. She is the one fore told by prophecy. You should be on your knees before her.”

He looked at the woman speaking. She was very young, barely grown. He thought she looked like a child throwing a tantrum. 

“Uh huh,” he said. He turned and started walking away from them. His job was done. 

He felt a hand on his arm stopping him. 

“I cannot allow you to take the Orb of the Eternals, it is mine by destiny and divine right,” Lyra stated. 

He shook off her hand and turned to her. 

“Lyra, this orb is now collateral being held by the law office of Alfus and Co. If you feel you have a legal claim to this object you will need to present yourself and your case during office hours. If your claim of ownership is found to be valid the orb will be released to you once...,” he checked his papers again for his target's name, “Aurelion has paid his debt owed. If you feel this is unjust you are free to take your claim to court and the high wizarding court will make a decision.”

He dug into his pocket and pulled out a business card. On it was an address and a phone number. He gave it to her and turned to leave again. She grabbed him again, this time harder. He sighed, he was tired, it was late and he wanted to go to bed. He also had hundreds of stairs to climb. 

“I must insist,” she said coldly. Her companions now all behind her. The young woman who had spoken clearly fuming. They looked like a crew of cosplayers. 

He couldn't help it, he laughed. Why did wizards always seem to think they were above their own laws? Especially chosen ones. 

“Lyra, please understand this orb leaves with me. That is not up for discussion. It is now a matter of law and I would appreciate it if I didn’t have to have another fight.” He took a few steps towards the exit. Then Lyra’s young companion exploded in anger again, “You are villain! She asserts her right to duel you for possession of the orb.”

“Only wizards can duel, I am no wizard,” Isaac countered over his shoulder and kept walking.

Lyra dismissed his objection, “You follow wizard law. I challenge you so you must accept or surrender the orb.”

A fucking technicality. Ancient and binding.

“Fine, but I’m not putting the orb down unless you beat me. Remind me of the rules?”

“You can put the orb down, none of mine will touch it now that the challenge has been made.”

“I know better than to trust a wizard,” Isaac retorted.

“YOU DARE -” the young wizard started again but Lyra cut her off with a gesture. 

“The rules are simple, once one duelist can no longer continue then the duel is over.”

“Fine, let's get this over with.”

Without warning he was staring down her wand watching a wave of fire advanced towards him.

“For Chirst’s sake” he thought.

The fire washed round him. He could feel the heat from it but it wasn’t cooking him just yet. He sprinted forward and the fire moved back with him. 

Then the fire disappeared. He had gotten close enough. Lyra was standing in front of him with a befuddled look on her face. He reached out with his free arm and grabbed her elbow and wrenched her around. The free arm then snaked up and under her chin. He secured the choke and squeezed. Her feet kicked back against him and her fingers pried against his arm but he held tight. She quickly turned purple and then went limp. He loosened the hold immediately and gently guided her to the ground. Her eyes snapped open. 

“I hope this matter is finished now? I will not be harassed anymore?” he asked as he took a step back from her. 

“You have won,” she gasped out.