I Can Offer Insane Tea About The Great Wolf Lodge

I used to work as a lifeguard at the Great Wolf Lodge in Mason, Ohio.

When I started, I quickly developed a cough that would flare up every time I went to work, especially while leaving.

I learned this was a much bigger problem, and likely still is at many locations.

It was known as "The Great Wolf Cough"

Apparently, when you add unholy amounts of chlorine to hundreds of thousands of gallons of water, and heat it to 88 degrees in an enclosed space, a lot of chlorine makes it into the water vapor you're breathing.

As a result, most water park employees would end up coughing up blood on a fairly regular basis.

After a massive lawsuit, our location had to spend millions on a crazy new HVAC system to mitigate the problem. Everyone still coughed, they just stopped coughing up blood.

But I actually had my own insane arc there where I uncovered a conspiracy to install and maintain a ride that couldn't be installed safely.

That story ends with my tall-man ass in lifeguard short-shorts, soaking wet in a carpeted board room, sitting barefoot in a $1,200 leather chair, surrounded by every fully suited executive in the company, minus the CEO themselves.