How to differentiate between the reason for my (20f) fear in my relationship with (23m)

TW: might be triggering for abuse specifically from a parent?

I’m 20f and my partner is 23m and we have been together for 2 years

I hear a lot of people tell me to follow my instincts and gut feelings but I can’t trust myself on that regard. I’m not diagnosed with anxiety nor to do suspect I have it but I have plenty of intrusive thoughts and overthinking tendencies. I’m also chronically online so the internet seems to affect me a lot more than it should, especially how much talk on the internet about domestic violence and how they had no idea until they were married and trapped in the relationship. So because of this I can’t understand what gut feelings are and what is just my self sabotage which is also is something I do.

Anyways, I get scared of my boyfriend at times. He has never hurt me, never yelled at me, never called me any names or cursed at me and never threw anything. He treats me well in pretty much every single way. Not just to me but he’s a really good person to everyone. But almost everytime he gets angry or I don’t know what he’s feeling, I get scared he’s going to hurt me. Again he doesn’t necessarily act inappropriately when angry, he usually either shuts down or gets visibly angry (usually not really at me as well). I feel like this heightens when I’m not in my usual state of mind such as being drunk.

(This is where I talk about possible abuse)

Another thing that recently I’ve been thinking it might be linked to my dad. Anytime my dad is in a mood (I still live with him) I fear in the back of my mind that he’s going to kill me and my family. Or anytime I hear him and my mom screaming at eachother, I listen in to make sure he won’t hurt her. He’s unpredictable in his anger I feel like, everytime he snapped it felt out of no where and extreme. There were few times where he was physical to us but it usually wasn’t really bad (just shoving hard or something, not to the point where we were getting beat) and there was one time as a teenager I heard him choking my mom and tried to stop him which I feel like might still affect me. But again these weren’t common except for the screaming but even then it wasn’t a daily thing. I’m not sure if it’s related, I just suspect.

Anyway I just don’t know how to trust myself with what I’m thinking because I self sabotage the best things in my life and overthink things. I don’t know how I should differentiate between real things to worry about in my relationship or the thoughts I make up in my mind. Does anyone have any tips?

Would it be good to talk to him about this? And what’s the best way to? I never said anything because I’m not sure how to phase it and make him not sound evil or that our relationship is rocky. Like “hey sometimes I think you’re going to beat me because you get mad”. Just sounds like I don’t trust him which I really really do. And our relationship is really good. I’m scared that if I say something like that he’s going to walk on eggshells and not show me what he feels to help me which I really don’t want.

Idk, sorry for the long post. Thanks for reading and I’d love insight if you have any