My (32F) Partner's (35M) defensiveness is wearing me down

Every time I voice an issue, no matter how big or small, he gets extremely defensive and I get upset since he's not listening to me. The pattern of the fight is so predictable now. I bring something up, he gets defensive, he brings up something I do wrong, I shut that down and the argument moves beyond the initial issue about him not taking me seriously but he's still fixated on the initial issue which gets me more upset since he's not listening to me again. Eventually nothing gets resolved until something else triggers another fight.

The thing is that I know what he's doing, I can spot the manipulation and the guilt tripping to avoid accountability, I even know why he's doing this which has a lot to do with childhood trauma. But I'm getting tired that every time I want to be heard, it turns into a giant argument.

Our most recent argument was about his snoring since it was keeping me up even with earplugs. Same argument process, even with him trying to turn things on me by saying I snore too.

This time he also threw in that every time we have an argument it's always because I'm the one with issues, which is true. He also stated I could have been more respectful with how I voiced the snoring concern, which confused me since I thought I wasn't being rude or mean, just stating that he was snoring and it was keeping me up. He also threw up his hands and snapped that he was leaving since I was being too hostile and was even muttering under his breath about me when I was leaving the room for something else. In his defense, I do get mad when he starts dismissing me and makes it seems like he doesn't care.

I'm getting so tired of this, I can't seem to voice anything without him getting overly defensive and it becomes a huge thing. I don't know what to do at this point short of the very obvious, but I guess I'm looking for advice and perspective, maybe even some hope for those who had a very defensive partner?