Spiraling over work

Feel like I’m drowning at work. There’s nothing but problems and 80% are out of my control (still feels like my fault even if it’s not and I’m told it’s not). Also trying to manage a ton of terrible personalities and restructure a program and I just feel like I’m failing.

I’ve never felt this way at a company before. Idk if this specific place just lit my ADHD on fire, it’s just not a good fit, or I need to just stop being a little bitch. The thing is, I know how and what to do, and I’ve done it 100 times at other companies. Why now? Why here? I never felt this anywhere else? The team I took over for had zero organization or structure in place for this role, and everyone knows I’ve been handed a complete mess, so idk why I’m so worried. I can’t figure out if this specific organization just doesn’t jive with me or I’m the roadblock.

All I’m really feeling is defeat and all I want to do is, absolutely nothing. Now my brain is going in a million different directions trying to figure out how to get out of it, how to get out of this job, this feeling. I’m burnt out and can barely form a coherent sentence anymore.

Relative side note: the first day I started this job I came home and told my husband I felt like I made a mistake and this was not going to be a good fit. I got a weird vibe and had this overwhelming feeling I didn’t belong there. I still feel that way 2+ years later.

How do I know if it’s me and work through it or know it’s never going to work for me and stop forcing it? It’s also a great job/company/pay and not easy to replace so the feeling of being trapped doesn’t help either. 🫠