Low self esteem

Hi all I’m 33 years old, in tech, single and been trying to deal with a porn and sex addiction. Have been suffering from low self esteem, loneliness and depression recently. I have never been great at dating or had any success in my 20s I had one brief relationship 2 years ago but that ended because I had to come to terms with my porn addiction. I’ve been trying to work on my addiction for the past 2 years- have tried a lot of things - therapy, coaches, 12 step groups,there has been some improvement but it’s been a rough road. I can’t seem to learn to be happy when I’m alone and cultivate self love for myself. I look in the mirror and see an ugly person and my brain can’t refute that because I got rejected by almost all the woman I knew in my 20s. Recently my ex roommate who was a friend of mine I thought also caught ties with me she said we don’t have anything in common and you were a weird dude. That hurt quite a bit. I struggle because I barely have any woman friends. I went on a speed dating event recently and got some numbers but all the woman either ghosted me or politely said I wasn’t their type. I’m learning how to be happy myself but it’s been a struggle. I go to bed lonely and I wake up sad as well. Some days I don’t have motivation to try and just stay in bed. Everyone says try activities or cultivate hobbies but it’s been hard for me to get that motivation when I don’t see results from them. Anyway this is more of a rant and I see my frustration boil over here but I have just been having a rough time and could use advice.