Can’t see a future in where I beat this

This addiction has truly hollowed me out. It’s so bad, I can’t even go 2-3 days without it. My attraction patterns have shifted, and it feels like I genuinely will never escape the urge. I always end up giving in. I’ve spent hundreds, hundreds of dollars on this and for what? Which I know sounds entitled, and I definitely am entitled. I’m using what God has blessed me with and splurging it on an industry of unrighteousness. Whenever I get the urge, I turn into a different person. I know what I’m doing is wrong, but the “angel” in me just sits in the backseat. The problem is, I can’t let go of this because my addiction is hidden, and my willpower isn’t enough. When I feel the urge, my mind doesn’t tell me to pray or to do something else. It tells me to give in. I don’t know if this is a me problem because I don’t want it enough, or if my brain is just done for. I only went one day without it yesterday because it was the anniversary of my grandmother’s death, but I don’t have that thought driving me everyday. I have a girlfriend, I want to marry her, but I don’t know if I’ll ever get past this. I don’t want to lead a family while still dealing with this. This addiction has been so intense for me. The categories I’ve moved to over the years grow more and more extreme. The category of what I’ve been watching is far from what God intended sex to be. I’ve been driven to do unrighteous things because of this and I feel terrible. This isn’t fair to some of the people I love. I act like I’m holding it together but if people around me knew what I’ve been doing, they would be disgusted and disappointed. I feel disgusting. I know God accepts me unclean, but I feel uncomfortable praying to God because it always ends up in me returning to sin everytime I get a chance. I make a post like this every couple months here because I’m so lost. I cannot genuinely see a future in where I beat this, I can’t. I know that whenever I’m not busy, I’ll give in. This really does suck.