AITAH for "abandoning" my mom in a nursing home

Hi all. I am really struggling here-fairly long, but I wanted to provide the context.

I am an older (60s) woman. I have two bio kids and 2 sisters. I am a lot older than my sisters and my kids are closer to them in age and life events (parents of school aged kids). They all live 2.5-3 hours away.

My mom, who lives in the same city as my sisters has become fragile medically and has dementia. she is in a nursing home, picked to be close to my sisters. I appreciated that this would mean that they would be there to drop in, pretty much daily.

I use to visit a lot, but when we sold mom's house--there are no places to stay except hotels. I am seriously allergic to everyone's pets (asthma to the point of hospitalization), so even couch surfing is an issue. Everyone has pets (even though they know well about my alleries).

My mom also was very upset with me because I ended up being the one to do the hard stuff--take away her driving licence and car, tell her she had to move into a nursing home, and that she would have to sell her house. They weren't up to it. She was mean (dementia is a factor, I know) and I had a hard time coping after and took myself to therapy.

Since then, mom has become more demented. she is sundowning. It starts after dinner and she constantly calls my sisters (rarely me). They take turns staying with her during the evenings but they are getting worn out.

This is where the AH issue begins. They think I should be taking turns staying with her some evenings and on the weekend. I haven't been visiting mom as much as I have a full time job and my own family things (my stepdaughter and her kids stay with us so she can go back to upgrade).

I pointed put that mom doesnt find my visits comforting (after all, I made her go). She doesnt remember who visits 5 minutes after they leave. Evening visits are just not possible as I would have a 2.5 hour drive home--or have to pay for a hotel.

They pointed out that I have done other things--like camping, traveling, and weekend events and are angry I only visit occasionally during the day. They want help with the evenings. Daytime doesnt help because mom calls them non-stop and only stops if someone visits. I suggested they take a break, turn off their phones, and maybe mom would call me--but they said they couldnt ignore mom's calls like I can (mom rarely calls me-I dont ignore her calls--that isnt true).

I asked what their expectations were and they said 2 evenings a week and at least one night a weekend.

I pointed out that, for me, this is a huge cost in gas and time, and I am no longer young, I dont have that much in my budget for gas or hotel, and mom is sundowning and needs medical intervention. Also, if I was expected to share in mom's care, maybe we should have picked a place where we all have comparable travel? They are minutes away.

I was told "fine--then never visit. You focus on your new family" (my stepdaughter is my new partner's daughter).

I am getting the cold shoulder now. My daughter got their version and agrees that I am the issue. No one calls. My texts stay on unread. I get no updates. Nothing. I miss my family. I haven't seen my grandkids. No one visits and I cant drop by because of the pets. It isnt like I dont visit mom--I go during a weekend day, but leave so I get home before dark.

AITAH? Do I apologize and try to figure out how to visit mom more evenings? My therapist says to ride it out--but between counseling sessions, I get so sad and desperate that I will be out of their lives forever. What do I do???