I (26M) Proposed to My Fiance (28F), Now I'm Second Guessing Myself. Does Anyone Have Some Advice They Could Give Me From Their Own Experiences?

I (26M) proposed to my Fiance (28F) because I feel in my heart that I want to be with her for the rest of our lives. At first, it wasn't a question, I wanted to do it, and I wanted to be able to spend the rest of my life with her. We've been dating for approximately a year now, which to some could be too soon but to me doesn't feel too soon. I spend as much time as I can with her in person but as we both have different leases that run out in June, we haven't been in a rush to move in. I started my lease on my place a few months before we met. We met on a dating app called Hiki for neurodivergent people. I'd been on there a few months and hadn't gotten any real interests with anyone until I met her. We hit it off good, there were great vibes and before I knew it, we were dating. She has a son (9M) that I've come to love dearly as if he were my own and treat him as such. I don't mind being a stepdad because I believe all kids need a father that's present and involved in their lives. Fast forward a year and I popped the question, she of course said yes.

Now to this point we've had some different upbringings. The biggest thing is the fact that she's Black and I'm White. Our cultures are different and her family is vastly different, and larger, than my own. I've never had an issue with this, but I have indeed been told I would more than likely encounter a situation where I'd be discriminated against because of the color of my skin. While that's truthfully never been an issue, what struck me as odd is that she never made it a point to reaffirm that "but if they try anything I've got your back because you have mine". Constantly throughout the relationship she has said something to the effect of "I'm a single mother and he's my priority". Which I didn't fully agree with but didn't fully disagree with. I get it, he's been here for nine years and he's literally your spawn. However, I remind her that she isn't alone and I'm also here.

She constantly seems to forget this or, deliberately, ignore this sentiment. I've had a few bad relationships in my past and she's been told this; we even spoke about one of her relationships that was bad. She told me however, there was a period of time where she was less than honest, less than loyal, and less than prude. I've tried to be somewhat, open, about it despite my own past. However, this has led her to say some things that have really cut deep into my conscious that really haven't come out until recently.

"I don't beg anyone, especially a man, for shit"
"What one man won't do another man will"
"I've beat N****s for less"
"I had a phase"

These statements have really drawn some concerns, and I always try to tell myself she's just playing. There is however, that little voice in the back of my head that says she's not. That she's being serious and simply trying to test how far she can push me before I crack. I used to be a pretty angry guy; but through a number of years of proper therapy, medications, and life changes I've significantly mellowed out. However, I do feel incredibly disrespected when she says these things. It's as if nothing I'm doing is going to be good enough. Don't get me wrong I'm not without my own flaws. Sometimes I can lose sight of a bigger picture and end up focusing on just myself and my current wants and needs; which is why I'm trying not to hold her to that and give her the benefit of the doubt. I did not ever go through a phase like her, and only in the beginning did I ever joke a few times that "I'd up and leave" if I felt as if I were simply being a bank or being a meal ticket for her. I haven't done that since the first few weeks because she said it made her uncomfortable and feel bad. I stopped, I've stopped doing many things that she's said made her not comfortable or that she didn't like.

The biggest point has come from today. Earlier when I got off work, I came home and was taking my dog out. She had said something, can't remember what, but something that made me ask "Honey what are you on about?" To me that's a direct question of, "What are you talking about? Elaborate that? Explain it to me?" etc. To her, in her head, it's a "What bullshit are you on right now?" I won't lie, it's been that a few times, but who hasn't asked someone that when they say something they don't quite understand? I said I'll change how I ask it from now on since it makes her feel bad, but I explained to her that it in this context it meant "X" to me. She immediately went, *SIGH* "Never mind don't worry about it". I hate it when she does this, truly, because it feels as if I can't do the right thing regardless of what I do. I feel that frequently with her lately as I don't understand what I'm doing that could be wrong.

Fast forward to just about an hour ago and we're talking about me coming over this weekend. I told her that if she really wanted it I'd have to dip into the money I've got set aside for the apartment we're supposed to be moving into come June for the deposits and first month's rent. She would have to send me money to come see her because I don't haven the extra for gas for the back and forth to her place and work, it's just not there. Bills are paid but I just don't have the extra as I'm saving it for our future. I send her money for little things all the time because she asks. "Oh I want this plant" "I want this journal" "Can you send me $X?" I try and genuinely send it to her when she asks, though I'll sometimes pretend to give her a hard time just because "Do you really need another X? You've got multiple already." Sometimes it's genuine but most of the time I'm just trying to be playful, and I try to let my tone express this. The reason she wants me to come over? She wants me to perform oral on her. She lives about two hours away and for a long time I was going every weekend and holiday I could manage. I always tell her if I'm coming down, I'm gonna stay the weekend because not only do I get to see her I also get to see my boy (her son). She only want's me to come one night because "I've got plans this weekend with other people." Here's how that conversation went.

"Well if I come down I'm gonna stay the weekend."
"No you only need to come down one day I want head."

"Well honey if I'm going to come down I'm gonna make it worth my time. Are you saying I can't come with you?"
"I didn't make those plans with you involved. I've got other priorities besides you. I just want some head."
"What do you mean you have other priorities?"
"You aren't the center of my life my son is."
"Honey, we're about to be married. That's going to be the point of it. When we sign that piece of paper we become a single entity. You're already the focus of everything I'm doing but that's what marriage is. It's love, it's a promise, it's a commitment."
"See that's what the problem is. Y'all men want to put love in it but that's not the case. It's a contract, it's mutual business and benefits. It's not about love. You think it's love when a 63 year old man marries a 13 year old girl? No, it's a contract he gets something out of it."
"But (Insert name), that's why I'm marrying you. It's cause I love you."

So now we're sitting in silence on Facetime after she asked me if the ring could be returned. It can't return date is 30 days past purchase which is today. I don't know what to do in this scenario. I feel as if I've been played really. I want to believe she doesn't think like that but my gut and my soul tell me otherwise.