My Family Sucks… A Lot

Hello Potatoes, I am very new to Reddit but a long-time watcher of Petty Queen herself. I (25f) am a recovering people pleaser. I suffer from depression and anxiety (I have for a very long time). Throughout my life, I questioned my self-worth…a lot. My mother is married to my stepdad, and my dad is married to my stepmom. For most of my life, I assumed it was normal, never questioned anything, especially my siblings (important). My stepdad has two kids from a previous relationship (both older than me a bit), and my stepmom has two kids with my dad (one older, one younger). Growing up, my stepmom treated me differently than my sisters, and that played a big role in how I saw myself. My stepdad’s kids weren’t keen on me either. So I grew up not fitting in either household and feeling left out my whole life.

I will start in one household then the other,

First my Dads: I wasn’t at his house, except for weekends mostly (with the occasional holiday and break), throughout school I did some sports (tee ball, I did tee ball in elementary school and archery in high school) rarely did my father show up to those games or tournaments stating “it’s too far for me to drive” it was a 20 minute drive. My little sister (only 3 years younger) did tee ball, cheerleading, and basketball (for a short period) and he made it to every game she had. She grew up getting any thing she asked for including new phones, laptops, and iPads. They spent over $800 fixing the phones she’s constantly broke, and when she got a new phone I got her old phone whether it was broke or not. She broke my door at my dad’s a put a hole in my wall all because I locked her out because I was tired of fighting and being yelled at. Continuing through the school years I grew further apart from my dad and that side of my family, I constantly got into trouble with my stepmom because her daughter (Lil’ Sis’) started arguments and fights with me. She always stated I know better because I’m older (by 3 years mind you) I was 13 she was 10, she came into my room with a friend on FaceTime, knowing I can’t stop her because my door no longer locks or shuts properly, she sat her iPad down in my floor and then proceeded to walk towards me and try to hit me (multiple times). I will not lie I am my fathers child and when I’m fed up I react, I smacked her and busted her lip, she stepped back then started to hit me again (all while her friend was on FaceTime) at this point I was down and she ended up in my floor with my hands around her throat (this is not the first she’s started fights with me and wasn’t the last). I very much got in trouble after my oldest sister pulled me off, once again “I know better, I’m older” she also knows better but she never got yelled at or in trouble.

Second is my Mom: I want to start by saying I love my mom, she is a wonderful woman and showed up for me every chance she could. Now with all that said, me and her butt heads a lot, we are too much alike and can’t be together for very long at a time. There are also things she’s done that I don’t want to do with my child (trying to break that generational trauma is hard). My stepdad is my father also, not just by marriage but by the way he has always treated me like his own child, he has been in my life since i was 3. He showed up to damn near every tournament or game i had even when my mom or dad or no one else could be there. I hadn’t always been aware just how much he did for me, mostly because his kids were dicks (my stepbrother i no longer speak to, my step sister is the closet sister i have). My SB was a massive dick, he still is, he used to hit me with sticks and was very verbally abusive. My SS wasn’t always keen on me and my mom (which she has now realized it was cause her mom was shit) but she wasn’t anywhere near as abusive as her brother, she just didn’t speak to me much.

I was also the messenger between my mom and dad because they couldn’t stand each other long enough to communicate to each other about the child they share.

Now here is where life takes a bit of a turn (everyone probably already guessed but 15 Y/O me was clueless)

As i reached middle school and high school i started to really resent my dad and stepmom, the fighting got worse between all of us, my oldest sister started doing drugs and living god knows where, my little sisters attitude got worse. The house was a war zone for everyone. I was depressed and hated being in the house but couldn’t really do anything about it (thanks court order).

One blissfully magical day i was hanging out with my “aunt” (she’s my mom’s cousin but extended family labels confuse me) and i was complaining about my home life (as a 15 Y/O girl does) while she was driving me home, after going out to eat and just hangout. After some complaining on my end, she dropped the most obvious lore build that absolutely blew my mind but also made a lot of things make sense.

MY MOM IS A HOME-WRECKER (sorta…the home is still intact). Her and my father met while working together in a factory, WHILE HE WAS WITH MY STEPMOM. They started dating, my mother knew about my stepmom, she stayed because my father said he’d leave his wife for her (yea they all say that). One thing led to another and i was conceived. Now sure an affair is horrible but what tops it all off is that there was a child involved. My older sister. My dad and stepmom conceived her and he stepped out years later (she’s now 32).

Now like i said this is obvious (to outsiders), but not to a child who grew up in this home, to that child it was normal. This explained why i was treated the way i was by my stepmom and dad, it pissed me off. For years i grew up the middle child of an affair without realizing it, i just thought there was something wrong with me and that i wasn’t that lovable.

I can continue my family sucks if y’all want to hear it, i can also tell you about my child’s father sucking along with his family.