Questiong my misandrist energy

I need this in digital footprint documentation, someone online might get entertainment from this.

My sexuality has always been fluid, I don't have a label and don't desire one, but one common factor is I've always leaned more towards girls or female presenting persons. I do not usually like men, it's about right when they start talking is when it gets ruined. take offense or don't, the only men that will get offended are the ones that subconsciously believe it applies to them.

but honestly, this guy has been on my mind and it's absolutely infuriating for a multitude of reasons. Especially with the whole epidemic, that's still going on, of so many men online claiming to be so into chubby girls but I'm magically incapable of finding one irl.

so reason 1 being I'm big, and not sure if he's into that, seems unlikely cause he's a twig. And I don't usually give a damn what people think of me, more specifically strangers or just people I don't know that well. I do with friends and family, all the time.

so 2 is I give a shit what he thinks, which is appalling because I have very rarely cared for a man's opinion.

honestly 3 is I'm insufferably bad at hitting on people, so no clue how to approach that.

I'm mad at the universe for making me like a boy, I'm mad at myself for having faith I could stand a chance, and overall just infuriated by the fact that I care.

if anyone has advice, that would be appreciated probably. I think a digital diary will be a thing for me now