I cut off my ex but I feel stuck in “relationship mode” and can’t let go of what she’s telling others

I recently sent my ex a message saying I can’t be friends anymore. It felt like the right decision, but I’ve been having a really hard time sticking with it emotionally.

On the same day, a mutual friend reached out to check on me. He was saying things like “look for a win every day,” “just keep pushing,” “time will fix things,” and “don’t do anything to make it worse.” My ex used to say similar things like “take it day by day.” I understand the advice, but I’m struggling to actually believe it right now.

Part of what’s making this so much harder is trust. During the relationship, I would always tell her how I was feeling learning to be in a therapist role. I wanted reassurance and honesty. Now, after the breakup, I feel like I want that even more, but I know I can’t expect it anymore because she’s trying to create emotional distance.

I also asked her to keep certain things private, like personal conversations and moments where I was really vulnerable, but I found out she was sharing those things with other people. I made a mistake and looked through her laptop, and I saw messages where she talked about me not taking the breakup well and shared details I thought were private.

Now I feel exposed. Like my emotions are just being broadcasted to other people without me knowing what’s being said or how it’s being framed.

I keep getting stuck in this loop where I want to ask my friend what he knows, what she told him, how much he knows, etc. But I also feel like I can’t even trust the answers. There have been times where I’ve asked friends if they’ve talked to her or what they know, and they say no, but then I find out they actually have. So I just feel in the dark all the time.

I think the hardest part is that I know I played a role in the breakup. Because of my choices, I feel like I don’t really have the right to question anything or be upset about how things are being handled now. But it still hurts.

It feels like I’m stuck in “relationship mode”, still looking for reassurance, still wanting honesty, still wanting clarity, but I don’t have access to that anymore.

There are so many things I want to ask, but I feel like I can’t. And at the same time, I feel like anything I say or feel is just going to get shared anyway.

How do you actually move on when you feel stuck like this?
How do you stop caring about what your ex is saying about you to other people?
And how do you break out of that “still in the relationship” mindset?