Overthinking food choices

Every single day I’m overthinking everything. It’s exhausting. I’m out the house from breakfast and get back late for dinner, and i have to bring food with me and it’s so hard to just not count up everything. I hate planning ahead. I hate thinking about food. It’s like I’m trying to find the perfect balance with eating and I don’t know what people eat and it’s all so stressful. I’m doing this all by myself and I wish I had a meal plan so someone could tell me what to eat. I don’t even know what I want for breakfast. I don’t know what I crave. I always want oats, but that doesn’t fill me up. But I like them. How many calories does a normal person have for breakfast? I don’t even think I used to eat breakfast before my ed. I don’t even know. I’m just stuck and I don’t know what to do and it’s honestly making me feel crazy. I’ve been honouring my extreme hunger these past few days at home, but now I have to leave the house, I’m overthinking everything and I never take enough food because I just keep overthinking and restricting. I’m exhausted. It’s so so exhausting and I feel like crying. My brain is constantly between the two sides of “eat whatever you want” and “try eating whole foods” and I just want to think of something fucking elseeee. Every single night I’m fighting with myself to not binge or purge and I just want balance. I’ve been thinking about going to the gp to finally talk to a professional about my ed, but now I’ve gained most of the weight back and I don’t even restrict anymore, so what can they realistically do? It’s the uk as well so it would probably take 5 years for something to even happen. Idk I’m just so tired of this. It was so much easier when I was restricting and couldn’t even have thoughts.