Husband and boyfriend help

I’m 31 and my husband is 30. We were friends for four years, then dated for four, got engaged, had a baby, and have now been married for three years—eight years total together as a couple 12 in each others lives.

While dating, we broke up three times, and each time he ended it without much explanation. The first was because I thought he was cheating (he wasn’t), and the other two I don’t remember clearly.

Things were good after our son was born, but on April 24 he asked for a divorce. We separated and lived apart. After a month, he came back wanting to try again and go to counseling. We did counseling, bought a house, and moved back in together after about seven months apart. We moved into our house in November, found out I was pregnant, and then in December—right before Christmas—he asked for another divorce. The next day, he changed his mind but refused counseling.

Things were okay again until my baby shower. He’d been distant for two weeks, and the day after the shower, while I was 32 weeks pregnant, we argued. I was overwhelmed and said I’d take our son to my mom’s for the night. He left the house, and when I went to talk to him, he asked for a divorce again.

We kept living together for our son. The plan was for him to stay a couple months after the baby was born, then move out. During that time, he still showed mixed signals—buying me flowers, cuddling, and occasionally being intimate—but refused counseling or possible reconciliation when I asked. I also asked him to tell me before dating anyone else, and he said he would.

Two weeks before my due date, I got a message from a random woman showing he was talking to another woman. In the delivery room, he held my hand—but was also on Facebook interacting with her and texting her. He moved out when our baby was two weeks old after I asked him to talk and he refused.

A few months later, I started casually talking to people online out of boredom and loneliness. I met someone (P, 30) and started talking to him in October.

Around that time, my husband started reaching out again with small “bids” for attention, but nothing direct. On November 8, while visiting the kids, he realized I was going out and started texting me a lot. That night, he said he wanted his family back and came over after u got home We talked, were intimate, and I agreed to try counseling again. I kept talking to P.

My husband delayed finding a therapist, and things stayed inconsistent—he’d visit, sometimes stay over, and we’d occasionally be intimate. Meanwhile, I kept building a connection with P.

After Christmas, my husband’s dad came to my house, disrespected me, and spread rumors. My husband didn’t defend me. I left upset and met up with P for the first time.

Shortly after, my husband finally started counseling over Skype, but it only lasted four sessions before ending. By then, I was seeing P more regularly. My husband knows about him but doesn’t ask about it.

Now I feel stuck. I feel a strong pull toward my husband and the family we built—I don’t want to lose time with my kids or give up the life we planned. But I’m deeply hurt by how he treated me, especially during my pregnancy, and I don’t know if I can forgive it or trust that it won’t keep happening.

At the same time, I really like P. He’s kind, patient, and consistent—everything my husband hasn’t been.

I don’t know what to do I’m scared no matter what I do I’ll regret it my husband does seem truly sorry and is genuinely trying but he’s done this so many times and P. Is so amazing

TL;DR:

I’ve been with my husband for 8 years (friends, dating, married, kids), but he’s repeatedly left me—especially during my pregnancy—and has been inconsistent, refusing counseling at times while also giving mixed signals (affection, intimacy, then pulling away). He even talked to other women while I was pregnant and in the delivery room.

After he moved out, I started casually dating and met a new guy (P) who is kind, stable, and consistent. Meanwhile, my husband came back saying he wants our family again, but his actions haven’t fully matched.

Now I’m torn between trying again with my husband for the sake of our family, despite the hurt and pattern of him leaving, or moving forward with someone new who treats me well.