Desensitised

I've come to the conclusion that this is what I must have. There is no other explanation, ive been addicted to this shit since I was 5. I hate that I ever had to stumble upon it, i fear it has damaged me beyond repair. I cant masturbate without porn, it takes ages, in sexual situations I really struggle to get turned on. For a while I thought I was asexual. It must be, but now I've come to the realisation that the porn has deluded my brain.

Its hard, ive been trying to come off it, just masturbating without anything and trying to focus on the bodily sensations, but its still hard to reach the peak, and many times i just stop because i get bored (yes im trying to work on it, but im trying to not make the orgasm my end goal).

its difficult, i fear that my feelings have created an aversion to potential sexual partners, talking to men and women scares me. Because how do I even begin to explain the problem that I have.

At this point it'd be easier to tell them that I'm very insensitive, because its not like its a lie. But i still stress about it. I've been working on my mindset for 5 years now, and it has helped, but i still feel like my endgoal is so far away.

Sorry for ranting so much, I just wanted to get it off my chest. I wish I was normal. I'm a 23 female btw. (No please dont text me privately 😩)