I hate my baby, I hate being a mom.

I hate my baby and I hate being a mom. My baby is 15 months old and I can’t stand to be around her. She constantly whines, cries, nothing makes her happy, and my patience is wearing thin. My husband is very supportive but I feel guilty for always leaving her with him and asking for breaks. She makes me regret having her and I feel like I can’t do it anymore.

I try to play with her, hold her, feed her, go on car rides, take her for walks, play at the park, etc. and she just isn’t happy. My favorite times of the day are dropping her off at daycare and when she goes to sleep. The constant whining and neediness makes me want to run away and never look back. I cry all the time and get so frustrated.

All the appointments, planning her meals, making decisions throughout her day is exhausting on top of working full-time. I hate being the default parent (because that’s what’s expected of ALL moms), I hate having to make decisions, I hate being around her, I hate taking her out to stores because I’m worried about her crying and being annoying, and I miss my life/freedom before she was born. EVERYTHING she does is annoying. Everyone says that as she gets older, things will get better but I don’t know if I believe it or can fake being a “good”, “nurturing”, “loving” mom for much longer.

She was planned, wanted, and initially so deeply loved. But as she started crawling and constantly whining, I feel like I hate her. I am so unhappy and it’s bleeding into my marriage. I love my husband, I love spending time with him, and truly believe he’s my soulmate but our daughter makes me hate being at home and hate doing things as a “family”.

Before anyone asks: I am on medications, my mom/sisters/few close friends are very supportive but live hours away, and I can’t afford therapy (welcome to being a working adult in the US) but I was diagnosed with PPD/PPA by my medication provider.

Fellow regretful parents: Truly and honestly, DOES it get any better? I am MISERABLE.