Fell in love, but also pushed an avoidant too far…

We had a great relationship. Early 30s. He felt like home, like someone I had always known. Long distance due to work really affected us. He didn’t want to do long distance and his solution was to get married. I was scared to get married right away and uproot my life to a country I’ve never been to, with someone I hadn’t known a year. I would have to give up my career and pets and I was struggling with that.

I begged him, told him we could make long distance work and he just kept telling me no and that maybe we could be together in the future when he gets back. I hung onto that. Probably for too long.

I tried to be friends with him, but I always ended up begging him to give us a second chance, and professing my love to him. He would tell me he didn’t want to talk about, but I kept bringing it up. I was desperate for him back and for him to be the man who once called me his dream girl.

So he started ghosting me and leaving me on read, never blocking. Part of me wishes he just said, stop talking to me, I don’t want to talk to you anymore. Because silence is an answer, but also it’s up to interpretation.

I know he’s ghosting because I wouldn’t stop bringing up us and he doesn’t want to block because he doesn’t want to look like a bad guy….I wish I was strong enough to have not chased and begged him.

I do still love him, I haven’t reached out to him in over a month and he hasn’t talked to me in over three.