12 months in, about 75% of what I used to be

Hello,

It been excatly one year since my whole life collapse and I had to learn how to exist again. Because of this situation I've lost faith in a world even more and I don't believe life can be joyfull again. I've been given cipro as OTC med on holidays for SUSPECTED infection. I took only one pill and couple minutes later I've started reading what actually I took. I found this sub and I was terrified, but I told myself that this is impossible that I will be the case who will be disabled after one pill, I came back to enjoying my trip. I was this case.

7 hours after one pill I've started to black out, I didn't have energy to speak (suprisingly I had energy to walk, move etc). I remember I was in SO BIG, CHEMICAL PANIC, my heart was pounding, my thought were racing, I wanted to suddenly kill myself, just as someone put a curse on me and I was looking for the cheapest flight back to my country.

I woke up as a normal person, happy that this went away. I was even thinking of taking A SECOND PILL! But I remembered what I've read here, and how fucked up these meds are. I didn't find ANY information in my native language while typing " ciprofloxacin side effects" in google - only usual "nausea, headache, vomiting" - normal side effects of many drugs. I'm really REALLY glad I foung this sub - probably that's why I'm still standing on my own.

Next days were blessed by many side effects on/off, next months also - pains, insomnia, lack of period, depression, dry mouth at the morning were and still are my main symptoms. First 7 months were terrible - many sleepless night, I felt disabled, isolated, sad, unsure about my future and career. I gave up on my career and sports, gave up on myself. I was trying to maitain a normal life, but every attempt to do so ended up badly, in a flare or mental state of regret and sorrow.

I could write many stories here on things that should do NOTHING to a normal person, but for me put me in a hell - going to waterpark made my legs painfull for 3 weeks, drinking coffee made me panicking like never before for couple of hours, washing my car made me spending next days in my bed, I had to chose wheather to clean bathroom or kitchen etc. Things that are unexplainable to non-floxed people.

The biggest storm in terms of pains passed in first 7-8 months. I thought I'm on a good path to recovery. I started to walk more since month 9 (I was always able to walk, to take care of myself, "just" in miserable pains, in my worst felt like I am 30% of what I used to be - mentally and physically).

I can now walk 16k steps per day (even in a row lol), I think I could do more but I don't have a need (probably on vacation I will do more). Sometimes it causes pains, sometimes not, mostly it is painfree or only my knee hurts.

My sleep improved last month (it improved after month 2, but insomnia came back even worse) and I think that acupuncture helped me the most with this symptom. I'm falling asleep easier and faster.

I was on a business trip where I've spent 2 days drinking vodka and DANCING for a whole two nights, till 3 AM in heels and yes - it was really painfull for the next 2 days (I was able to walk normally but stairs and standing on my toes was painfull) and I was tired, more than I would be while being healthy.

I'm trying to come back to swimming. My body still does not regenerate fast even despite me lowering the distance. Mornings are the worst - I feel like I aged 30 years in one year, I takes me 30-60 minutes to get rid of this sensation. I hope the second year will get me to be 90 or 100% - maybe I will be the lucky in unlucky - today I have hope for it. But don't blame me, don't be angry if couple days later I will write somewhere on this sub that I feel like a shit again. Still, I will be smaller shit that I was 6 months ago, or 9 months ago.

I can take NSAID (2x200mg of ibuprofen while having my period), I can drink coffee on an empty stomach, and as I mention I can get really drunk (I've tried beer, vodka and wine and wine was definitelly the worst, I felt no power in my arms after a half of bottle and vodka was the best, I even think it calmed down my symptoms and I was able to dance without pains - I will check my theory :p ). I'm writing this because these are thing that adding up % to me feeling recovered and I hope that it will give you a power to just stand still one more day, and another and another until days become bearable and then they will become good again. Different - but good. You will get there. And for the first 6 months reading about fq was my FUCKING HOBBY. I've exchanged swimming for reading abou fqad, getting new supplements, scrolling throught groups We are all different - your story does not have to become the most horrible story.

What do I fear the most? The relapse... If it would be a disease that you just get rid of and forget about - then I will be calm, it would be easier on my mind. But all of those stories about relapses (which I don't consider rare) make me depressed, sad and I still don't know what to do with my job - should I comeback to physical one? What if this shit come back, I've seen stories where people were hit even harder than at the first time. I wish there were more polls and statistic about recovering fully, living with flares, having relapses and developing "normal" diseases from this shit. I'm also scared that I'm feeling better because spring came, and in winter I will feel like a shit again - I'm just scared of thing changing and not being constant. I'm scared if I ever have to take another antibiotic (OR STEROID) - what my reaction would be? Thanks to this sub I know which is the safest :)

My personal advice - read these groups, but don't become obsessed as me. Read post only onc, not ten times, you will not know more that has been already written. If you feel better - try coffee, try alcohol, try moving - just do, do to feel more like a human once again. It will cause setbacks, it will be painfull, you will pay for it sometimes. But reactions will be less and less, more spaced apart, new symptoms will be less and less intense. Don't stop yourself because someone said it's not allowed, don't be scared because someone said that *something* didn't helped them, or we shouldn't or we should do particular things. These are just ideas how to help ourself and not make ourself worse, not a silver bullets. After a year (which I still don't consider a long time when it comes to FQAD) I can confirm - it's all about time, huge waiting game, mental battle to get trough another day. It is very lonely journey and not everyone will be able to understand - pick the people you tell about it very carefully.

I'm not a severe case, but my heart goes to all of the people who have been harmed this way so badly that they cannot stand, they cannot eat, they cannot think clearly. I was typing with one girl like this daily and it was breaking my heart, yet she was still trying to (just as me) maitain "normal" life. No one deserves to be harmed this way and left without a proper treatment because of this man-made chemical bomb.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed for all of us to sustain somehow normal life, to get to a point in which FQ are not at the top of our mind.

I will come back one day with another positive update. Please - do the same for all the newcomers who are lurking for some hope :)