I lost myself how can I find me again?

As a younger teen I was so happy I had so many hyper fixations (marvel, Greek gods, rock bands, Cryptids, mlp, etc) I’m now 18 and I have pushed myself to be the most “normal” girl I could possibly be, I wear clothes I don’t like because they are popular, I do my makeup according to popular trends I have completely abandoned all my “autistic” hobbies and I feel awful. More people talk to me and find me approachable but I can only change my personality so much I feel like I’m constantly putting on a performance just for people to still find me “off”. Though more people find me tolerable I’m not happy I feel like a shell of what I once was. anytime I try to get back into what made me so happy I feel so ashamed. I have no clue what to do

More people talk to me but I feel more alone than when I was actually alone with my hyper fixations.