I'm so fucking mad at my kid.

she's 13 and has a lot of mental health issues (anxiety mostly, we ended up pulling her from school because she refused to go due to anxiety). we've been through so many therapists and she refuses to go to them. just sit on her bed and be a brick refuses to go. she's a big kid and my husband can't physically move her. we took a break from therapy awhile ago because we couldn't deal with the meltdowns anymore.

fast forward to a couple of weeks ago. she's trans and we have an appointment next week to get her started on puberty blockers. in order for them to consent to it though we need a letter from a therapist. so I do all kinds of research, make a million phone calls, and spend a ton of time tracking someone down who seems like a good fit. I ask my daughter if it's ok if I make an appointment with them, and she says fine and that she'll go. so I make an appointment.

today is the apoointment. if you guessed that she refused to go, BINGO! she literally sat on the toilet and refused to get off. just whining. I understand she's nervous and anxious about these things but she's gotta meet us halfway here. I ended up screaming (not at her, at the world in general), throwing my purse, and storming upstairs. I had to call YET ANOTHER therapist in tears saying that we weren't coming. she ended up screaming I FUCKING HATE YOU to my husband/her dad so everything's just great over here.

I don't know what to do about this appointment next week. is she going to go? weve been waiting six months for this appointment and she's been saying she wants to go but if she refuses at the last minute I'm afraid we're going to get blacklisted from the clinic.

I'm doing SO MUCH for her and I'm getting nothing back. so many people who know of her struggles say "oh just put her in therapy" and I'm like IM. TRYING. she barely leaves the house (she's homeschooled) and doesn't want to do anything and I'm so afraid this is it for her. I don't know what to do anymore.

sorry if this is all over the place.