Wife's lack of orgasms are causing issues both ways

My wife and I have been married over a decade. She used to orgasm during sex, whether manually or PIV.

Over time, she has somehow felt that there needs to be "orgasmic equality" so she ONLY wants to get off via PIV. That's fine, and she used to be able to every time. Now, she is not able to. There are physical reasons (perimenopause) and environmental reasons (people at home, sheets will get dirty, etc), and she probably has one orgasm a year.

I have noticed that she has some low-level irritability after any sexual encounters. The irony is that she usually initiates these (I am bad at reading the room). I always read about communication, but she does not want to talk about sex AT ALL.

She says she enjoys sex, but I feel like the lack of climaxing is making her unconsciously dislike sex and, by extension, me. She knows I am trying to get her there, but it isn't working when we do the deed. I also no longer really want to have sex when she is not into it, which is leading to low level irrational resentment of sorts (I like her, I just don't like this aspect, if that makes sense).

Suggestions welcome.