Seeing My Friend’s Birthday Made Me Realize How Empty My Own Life Feels

It was my friend’s birthday today, and I went to wish him in person. We hung out for a bit, ate waffles, and I dropped him back home. On the surface, it was normal. But honestly, the whole day kind of messed with my head.

He had dozens of people reposting stories for him, calling him, wishing him, hyping him up. He has a beautiful girlfriend who genuinely seems obsessed with him in the best way. She loves him deeply, posts lovey-dovey stories about him, goes on dates with him, and even puts effort and money into the relationship too.

And after seeing that for the past few months, and especially today, it really made me reflect on my own life.

I failed JEE, and now I’m taking a drop year. I might have even half-assed my boards exams too. For almost the entire past year, all I’ve really done seriously is train MMA and BJJ. That’s basically what my life became. It’s also pretty much all I talk about now.

I used to at least stay updated with other things too. I was actually pretty good with geopolitics and world events a month or two ago when I was keeping up, but now even that feels gone. It’s like my whole identity has shrunk into just training, and nothing else.

And then there’s the relationship side of life.

I’ve never had a girlfriend. Never even been on a date. Not once.

And the thing that hurts is not just “being single,” but feeling like even if I did get into a relationship someday, I don’t think anyone would ever care about me the way my friend’s girlfriend cares about him. He’s good-looking, lean with muscles , and girls naturally gravitate toward him. I don’t really feel like I’m that guy. I was too fat an year ago(101kgs) and naturally became the butt of every joke in school but i have cut it down to 86 kgs in an year but i still look like shit in my eyes.

I feel like if I ever get a girlfriend , it’ll take a ridiculous amount of effort, and even then, I don’t think I’d ever get that same kind of love, excitement, or passion from someone maybe because i am not that good looking . That’s probably an insecure thing to say, but it’s honestly how I feel.

And even on something as simple as birthdays, it hits me.

When my birthday comes around, nobody posts stories, nobody wishes me happy birthday even the people i call close friends dont remember it , and nobody really celebrates me. Since I was around 13 or 14, I’ve never really had an actual birthday party outside my house. Usually it’s just a cake my parents make a video and that’s it.

That’s my birthday.

And I don’t know, man. Seeing other people be so loved, celebrated, wanted, and valued just makes me sit there and think:

Why does my life feel so behind?
Why does it feel like everyone around me gets the good parts of life except me?

I know comparison is bad and all that, but sometimes it genuinely feels like I’m watching everyone else live a life I never even got a chance to have.