What it feels like to love someone who’s emotionally unavailable

I’m 27F and I’ve been with my boyfriend for last 6 years. Most of our relationship has been long distance.

Lately, I feel like everything is changing, and I don’t recognize the relationship anymore. I’ve started seeing sides of him I never saw before. He breaks promises, barely communicates, and always says he’s too busy or stressed about his future to focus on me.

I found out he’s been on multiple dating sites and even lying to other girls about me. I know lust is different from love, but that broke something in me.

At the same time, he tells me he loves me a lot. He says I’m his world and that he’s scared of losing me. And that’s what confuses me so much. How can someone say all of that and still make me feel so invisible?

I’m a very empathetic and emotionally open person. He’s the complete opposite, emotionally unavailable. I’ve never really felt like he notices my feelings or is genuinely concerned about what I’m going through. It’s always about him; his stress, his future, his problems. For me, it has always been about “us.” But for him, it feels like it’s always just been about “him.”

The hardest part is the inconsistency. When we’re physically together, he’s loving, caring, everything I ever wanted. But the moment we’re apart, it’s like he becomes a different person; distant, uninterested, and disconnected.

Whenever I try to talk about how I feel, he shuts me down. He says I’m ruining his peace or that he just wants to sleep. I’m not trying to fight or create drama. I just want to fix things. But it feels like I’m the only one trying to hold this together.

I’m tired. Tired of expecting basic communication. Tired of feeling unheard and unseen. Tired of loving someone who says I mean everything to him but doesn’t show it in a way I can feel.

Now I’m stuck questioning myself. Am I asking for too much? Do I need to work on myself and just accept that this is how he is? Or am I holding on to something that’s already gone?

How can someone say they love you so much and still not even try to communicate with you?

I don’t know what to do anymore.