4s1 failed dropper

tomorrow's my 4th attempt at this exam and honestly I'm not prepared,jo socha tha 1 saal pehle drop lene ke time woh yaad a rha hai,what dreams I had. Was trying to find a photo and ended up scrolling to the time when I bought my batch,the promises I made to my parents and older brother.\

I have supportive parents who are fine with me failing jee but I don't think they know that I'm going to not perform well in other exams aswell due to this.Same situation as last year where I end up with 0 college options no other choice than joining a t4 college in my state. Been almost a year since I took the decision to take a drop year and I regret every single step i took in this drop year, tomorrow's my final attempt,scored the same as last year in Jan attempt so no hopes\

maybe I just wasn't good enough to clear this exam or other exams as a matter of fact,i regret of not knowing this before and ending up wasting a year behind it\

the guilt is eating me out alive every single moment I don't know how to process it or forget about it I can't even get myself to study for other exams to atleast secure a private college which I couldn't last year,honestly I think I'm done\

I can't imagine what I'll do if I end up in the same situation as last year and the only thing which comes to my mind is ending it\

I'm not mentally strong enough to face the same situation as last year,if I don't pass in atleast one of the exams then I can't see anything other than ending it,my parents are supportive and I love them,they've never given any pressure to me it's just I'm so dumb that I couldn't even study properly in my drop year to atleast show some improvement\

all I wanted was a peaceful life universe.