I need help.

So, I'll preface this by saying I started drinking heavily at age 18. I'm 20 now. Over the past 2 years, the longest I've gone without drinking is about a month. There's been times where I'll go maybe 5 days without a drink for a few weeks, but then I quickly resort to using every day again. December through January were probably the worst it's ever been. Drinking from morning, until I go to sleep, till I would wake up in the middle of the night needing more shots just to get a couple more hours of rest. I quit my job in December, stopped attending trade school in January (due to mental health reasons,) and have been jobless since. I've surprisingly never experienced any noticeable or severe withdrawals, I mainly deal with constant vivid nightmares and sleep paralysis. I was put on naltrexone for awhile, but continued to drink even at a high dose. I'm broke, but will use whatever little money I have to get more alcohol. This, coupled with spouts of other drug abuse, has really pushed me to the point of complete hopelessness. About 2 weeks ago, I ran out of alc and decided to do coke, then got ahold of molly and snorted it for 3 days straight. Barely slept, finally got more alc and told myself it would be my last bottle. My bestfriend got sent to rehab that week as well, I thought I could use that as motivation to get sober. Here I am, a few weeks later still drinking every day. I could go on about how poorly its affected my life. How I can't stand to look in the mirror or take pictures of myself because I am a shell of a human being. I've stopped cleaning my room, doing things I love, keeping up with my hygiene. I've wasted so much time and money just getting fucked up. I'm constantly boiling with anger, not directed towards anyone but myself. The anxiety and dissociation after a heavy night of drinking gets so severe I fear I'll never come back from it. I recently got labs done, which showed signs of an unhealthy liver. My friends are aware of my habits, but my family I'm unsure. I know they have at least some sort of idea in their heads, but they've never brought it up to me. I've tried going to AA and Refuge Recovery groups in the past, but felt like I never resonated with them. At this point, I don't know what to do. I desperately need to make a change in my life, before I lose everything and hate myself more than I already do. I'm drowning in self-pity, I'm so tired of moping and self-destructing. I want to stop, I want to be the person I used to be. Yet, every time I try, I fail.