Boyfriend…

I'm 21F, and I still grapple with the loss of my boyfriend, Malicai, who was 19 when he passed. I was 18. We were more than just partners; we were childhood best friends. Since I was 6 and he was 7, he's been a constant in my life. As we navigated middle school, our bond deepened, leading to a heartfelt confession of love from both sides as we grew older. I remember him calling to ask me to be his girlfriend, marking the start of a new chapter where we explored our feelings with care. 'Best friends to lovers,' he once quipped. I loved him deeply, and the void he left is still felt.

What haunts me is that a year after his death, I found myself in a new relationship. I'm unsure why I jumped into something new while still grieving, but I fell hard for my current partner. Yet, the ache of missing my Malicai lingers. I occasionally look at his pictures, disbelief washing over me that he's gone. Sometimes, I can't help but wonder what our lives would be like if he were still here.

I'm wrestling with guilt, confused about why missing Malicai feels like a betrayal. It's a complex mix of love, loss, and the struggle to reconcile past memories with present happiness.