For a long time, spirituality wasn’t just a habit for me.. it was my life.

I didn’t just read the Gita casually. I studied it deeply, took certification courses, read the Mahabharata (all volumes), stayed connected with devotees, and genuinely tried to live what Krishna teaches. Quit smoking, drinking, casual hookups; mostly all the so-called "bad habits".

It honestly felt like devotion was my full-time job, and my actual career was just secondary.

Then my father passed away in December.

And everything I believed in… started shaking.

One question keeps coming back... why me?

I understand that spirituality doesn’t guarantee a “problem-free” life. But then how do I make sense of 9.22?

If Krishna says he takes care of those who are devoted, then why does it feel like things were taken away instead?

Financially, I’m doing well. Maybe even better than before. But my desires, dreams… everything feels muted now. Like I’m just carrying responsibilities, not living. It’s like I got stability, but lost something much bigger in return.

And what confuses me more is seeing people who don’t care about dharma at all… living freely, happily.

I don’t want to lose faith. But I also can’t blindly hold on anymore.

Has anyone else gone through this kind of shift after a personal loss?

I’m not looking for perfect answer.. just real experiences.

PS: Found these old notes in my gallery today. I used to write and memorize one shloka daily.
Seeing them felt like looking at a completely different version of myself… from before December.

I made spirituality my whole life… so why did I still end up here?