Rejected from my own school update:(

UPDATE)

Got rejected from my own school’s PhD program.. Met with my former PI today.. was expecting more advices and encouragement but rather she told me I should focus on “being more mature” instead of chasing prestigious labs for RA position (well i told her im applying now) and even said that getting rejected (instead of waitlisted) at my own school makes it worse (she said it like: you're worser than those who has a waitlist...in other words: you're ranked at the bottom among those interviewees)

Not sure how to take that. Part of me feels like I messed up badly, but part of me also feels like that’s not the whole story (internal department drama) I was planning to do an RA year and aim for a stronger program, but now I’m questioning if I should just focus on finding a place where I can actually grow instead.