What did Carolyn really want?

I am not looking for overly sappy or obvious remarks please.

Honestly though, what did Carolyn expect/want/and ultimately end up marrying John for?

Clearly they shared a mutual love and spark.

But otherwise, it stuns me. In their early years, he left her multiple times for other women. 2 to 3 times by my count. He was dating others while dating her as well. He never introduced her to his mom while Jackie was still around despite dating Carolyn. He only proposed to Carolyn after his mother died and possibly went through some sort of existential crisis since the proposal was within a year of his mom’s death. Carolyn didn’t even fully accept it at first and had to think on it - which means she questioned the timing of it and whether the fit was even good.

Despite what modern day people try to say, the paparazzi woman who caught them fighting in the park during their engagement, stated it was over jealousy/possible affair by John because Carolyn was asking him who another woman was over and over. Carolyn hated the lack of privacy. She had reservations about having kids. She quit a seemingly fulfilling job and never picked up a passion to replace it.

She was a good looking woman. Was she really that set on having the most eligible bachelor around? Everyone says that that wasn’t her personality, but was part of it? Was the flattering that blinding??