My (29F) boyfriend-now-ex (28M) came out as gay and I don't know how to cope without him

This will be long so I apologise.

So my (29F) ex (28M) and I were together nearing on 8 years. We lived together for 5 of those years and I honestly thought he was my forever.

Then 6 months ago, I went through hell. I have autism and severe anxiety and even bringing this up now is making me uneasy.

So it started off with him being more quiet and distant. He told me it was just SAD and I agreed. The next day, he comes to me and says that he's worried he never loved me and thinks it's just limerence. He said he thought we could still live together because we both kind of need that level of support from each other. I said I didn't believe for a second that he never loved me and we have always worked hard together because we care about each other.

The next day rolls around and he says he's just really depressed. I end up going out with my family because I couldn't cope with how distant he was being.

The next day, he tells me he's bi.

Now, for the last several months of our relationship, he was using Grindr as a joke. he wanted validation that he's an attractive guy and he wanted it from gay people. I never thought anything of it. He actually went on a few dates as a joke but couldn't do it because of how weird it was. But he made a friend anyway.

So then the next day, he goes to work all day and says he's going to see his gay friend for an hour and then wants to just sit in his car and think for the rest of the evening. He said he'd tell me when he was on his way back home.

But that night, he didn't call or text for hours. Eventually I tried to call him but he never answered. Then he sent a message saying he was out walking with his friend and they went back to his because he needed the loo.

At this point, my anxiety has shot through the roof because he lied and I fainted twice from hyperventilating. I called my sister and she was furious at him for doing that to me. He got back and consoled me even though it didn't work. The next morning, I packed a bag and went back to my parent's. I have been there ever since.

The day after I left, we met and he said he was gay and he was sorry that he didn't tell me sooner. He thought it would have been easier for me to hate him so we could just be friends. I was so angry and told him that it was a bullshit excuse.

After the conversation, I had realised the struggle he must have gone through, but I also didn't want to down play my own.

Since then, we've spoken every day, called nearly every day, and we meet up frequently. Now we have decided that I'll move back into the house we have whilst he moves out. And he's even offering to help pay the bills as I am unable to work.

Nothing about this has ended badly. There's been no hatred and he's said multiple times that if he wanted me out of his life, the last 6 months would have been the best time to cut ties. But he still wants to be a big part of my life.

I have literally built my entire independence with him. I was once agoraphobic and I was just starting to make it to the shops on my own. Something I've never been able to do. I feel like I lost everything when we split. My identity, my home, my best friend, my cat, my life. And I still keep mourning it all.

I have been to the doctors a number of times for antidepressants and I have therapy too.

But now I don't know what to do anymore. I'm an absolute mess and I know of I go no contact, I will not survive. I don't mean that in a dramatic way, I mean seriously. I'm monitored constantly at my parent's at the moment because of how much I am at risk to myself. I don't know what to do anymore.

How do I make this easier for myself?

TLDR: Boyfriend of 8 years came out as gay. We're still close friends but it won't stop hurting and I can't go no contact. How can I heal?