I rlly need help

every time my family starts fighting I start getting thoughts in my head to do it I know it’s haram but for the last 5 weeks it’s been getting so much worse especially after seeing the 14.y.o dude do it and the girl last week

I struggled with this when I was 13 when COVID-19 started and we were all locked in the house I was really depressed but I never took medication or anything After that everything got better including the suicidal thoughts but since the start of this year I don’t k I feel like it would be better to do it and have everything end

-امي حكتلي إذا بتموتي بتريحني معها حق الصراحة.