looking for advice (23F)

i really love my boyfriend but long distance is really hard on us. we have been long distance for the better part of two years and he only visited me once last year because i’m in school so i can only go home when there’s a break (thanksgiving, christmas, reading week, summer etc). he told me he was gonna visit me this year but then never did because he wants to save his vacation days for the summer so we can have longer weekends to go camping. which i do appreciate but it would’ve been really meaningful for him to visit me at school. i’ve been going through some stuff and i just really could’ve used that right now.

when we are “home” we aren’t really close either so there still is a distance aspect but things are definitely better. we spend time together doing things we enjoy and argue over petty small things as anyone does but when it goes back to long distance we have the same cyclical argument after 6 weeks. the first 6 weeks are totally fine, we call, we are busy and hangout with our friends but everything is as good as it can be, but around week 6 there’s always some arguement about calling. he hates talking on the phone for a while (hour +) everyday and so we agreed to have one longer call a week but little check ins throughout. yet he often will schedule other things when we planned to call, or forget to call me when he says he will, or just be late and it’s really hard to not feel like a second option when this is all we have to connect. even when we do call things aren’t always good, sometimes i will be talking and he’s just scrolling and indirectly ignoring me, or changing the subject when i’m upset about something. and i try to not be a nag but i can get pretty upset over these small details which i think makes him pretty avoidant, hence the cyclical argument.

i do think we try to have a good balance between spending time on the phone and with our respective social lives but it’s really disappointing to be let down when he says we’re going to call. last year he also lived somewhere else and has since moved home but he used to write me letters and call whenever he got a chance, get me little trinkets because he knew i liked them or get my friends to buy me treats as a surprise but now, nothing and i don’t wanna ask because i feel like i will sound spoiled.

there are issues unrelated to the distance as well, i can be really controlling and he has a short temper which is not a good combo when we are both upset. he also can be really inconsiderate of my time when i have come to visit him, and will go make plans with other people i am not invited to.

i’m just not sure where to turn, things are better when i am at home for sure and we do have fun together, he makes me laugh and we have alot of shared values about life and what we want for our future. it’s just hard not to feel like he doesn’t care about me the same way anymore and to constantly have to advocate for our relationship. i really am looking for advice because i love him and i do see an eventual future, but i don’t want the distance to destroy us.