Pushing my partner away to get them to dump me

Title. I don’t really trust them after all. They’re good, but almost too good. They’ll buy me food and cover my feet while I’m sleeping, but I don’t get it. I went looking for a picture of their ex to see what they looked like out of curiosity and their ex looks so much different from me. I can’t help but think I’m just a placeholder. I don’t suit their family and I get the feeling that I’m just a phase or a part of their experimental phase. Maybe their family knows that too which is why they tolerate me at least. Last night I refused to let them cuddle me, so maybe they’ll give up eventually.

I feel ashamed to hold their hand in public because we don’t look like a couple. I just look like a friend, so it feels awkward. They tried to kiss me in public yesterday but I had to say no because what if someone saw that? I already stick out like a sore thumb and I don’t need any more embarrassment. I find it embarrassing to say I even have a boyfriend because I’m not the type of person that usually has one. It feels like I’m lying. I don’t know what their motives are but I really don’t care to be humiliated by people anymore. Like clockwork, as soon as I believe something good is finally happening, the rug get pulled and I fall on my ass. No thank you.