I (25F) just went through a breakup (24M) and I’m really struggling to process it.

First time posting on Reddit.

For context, I felt like I was putting more into the relationship for a while — I was the one trying to communicate, fix things, and keep things balanced. I did get frustrated about that, but I didn’t think it was unreasonable. My friends have also said they could see I was doing more. For example, when we moved in together I was very invested in the moving in process like getting furniture, going to inspections, getting applications through while he only did what I asked him to do.

He used to say things like he’d always keep me safe and that he was in it for the long haul. We even got cats together, so I genuinely thought we were building something stable.

What’s really messing with me is how sudden this feels. As recently as Wednesday morning, he was texting me things like “love of my life,” “I love you so much,” “we’ll get through it,” and talking about us having a good weekend together.

Then Thursday night we had an argument. I’d had a really tough two weeks at work and ended up taking a nap instead of cooking dinner. When he got home, he was frustrated and said he was unhappy with the household split. I tried to explain I was having a hard week, and he said that wasn’t an excuse. That really upset me because the whole relationship had felt one-sided in terms of effort from me, and the one week I fell short, he came down hard on me.

Friday we barely spoke.

Today I tried to fix things — I went out early, got pastries and coffee, sat him down to talk — and after that conversation, he told me he doesn’t think we’re a good fit and that he doesn’t feel safe being vulnerable around me anymore, and ended things.

I felt completely blindsided, so I called him later to try and understand what happened and asked why it felt so sudden and why we couldn’t try to work through it together. I was honestly really emotional and panicked on the call because I didn’t see this coming at all.

But he sounded almost scared of me and said that talking to him felt like I was manipulating him, and that he had already made up his mind and there was nothing I could do.

That really messed with my head. I’m now questioning whether I did something wrong just by reacting emotionally and trying to understand.

I feel like I’ve got emotional whiplash. How do you go from saying all those loving things to ending a 2 year relationship within a couple of days?

I think what hurts most isn’t even losing him, it’s how it ended. It felt sudden and like everything we’d talked about (safety, long-term) just disappeared. I didn’t get a real chance to work through anything together, and now I’m left feeling like I was the problem.

I also still miss him, which is confusing because I don’t think I’d feel secure going back after how he left.

Has anyone been through something like this? How do you deal with the sudden switch, and stop blaming yourself for reacting?