relapse

l just binged for the second time this week

and also overate one day in between

i can't stay alone in the dorm or anywhere like it, small and confined. eating in dorm literally triggered my binge immediately without me noticing today

i thought i got over binge and posted improvement. and for not the first time i just found out it never left me

today is really really insane binge and i know i won't be able to sleep because of how my stomach is feeling

and im well aware it will damage my health in the long term

im usually quite an optimistic person but now i don't feel so and when in the binge i hope my life end any time. lol. im so tired. binge is haunting

again i just want to accept the fact that i might never get over it and i hope i stop hating myself

but now I'm so insanely full and miserable i can't think in any good way

and i thought everything in my life started to get better but not really. no result, feeling more alone than ever, trying to learn but feeling slow and stagnant, and i somehow forgot how binge can just take over me easily sometimes

i always get caught off guard and i can never say no to it 6 years, im okay with it and i still think im progressing in different aspects but binge probably won't leave me

i can live like this, i can try to always be better but it's a sad life