A letter to my 3 month old

to my dearest love,

today you are no longer a newborn. at 3 months old you've grown so much. i can't believe how the time has flown.

this morning you woke me up with babbles. you often do, it's rare I wake to you crying anymore despite a full diaper and your hunger from blessing me with 8 hours sleep. i walked over and told you good morning, and you smiled and turned away like you were bashful. it melts my heart everytime. I went to get set up for our feeding, and when I came back in I saw you grinning with your foot in your mouth! you just learned how to grab your feet two days ago, and now you've already advanced it. you were all smile as we changed your diaper and looked at your handsome little face in the mirror. then as soon as you knew we were on our way to get food you began to fuss like it would make me go faster-- and you weren't wrong. now youre happily latched and nursing while i write this.

these past 3 months with you have been nothing short of a blessing. its as if you always try to be the best baby you can be. I remember when i was in labor, and you just could not fully descend, I felt your little feet pushing and kicking at my ribs trying to get lower. you tried so hard your got a cone head, but in the end we had to endure a c section.

I remember the first time I heard you cry. I was holding my breath, praying, and the moment you started to cry so did i. ive never felt so much joy-- until they called out "its a boy!" and I saw your face for the first time. your sweet little face was scrunched up, and you were blowing spit bubbles. I couldn't stop laughing.

when they wheeled me back to my room all I could tell your grandmother and grandfather was how you were "so stinking cute." it felt like ages until you joined us, but when you did i was elated. we had our skin to skin time, and you latched easily and happily.

that night I watched you sleep with your face turned to me. it was heaven on earth, until a nurse came in and said you were breathing rapidly. you were taken to the NICU for TTN, and I missed you like you miss a limb.

the next day I came to visit you. I was so scared our bond would falter. but the moment you heard my voice your face turned to me, and you began waking from your sleep, wanting to see your mommy.

we did the best we could. I saw you as often as I could. I talked to you about your future, I sang you songs, and we snuggled. I was set to be discharged 3 days later, and was praying you would be with me. you ended up being discharged before me, and I couldn't get out fast enough.

we went home together, and it was bliss. I held you in the kitchen and told your grandmother, "this is what ive been wanting. Just him in my arms at home." the first time you spat up on me I laughed, I was just so happy to be your full time caregiver. the first few weeks were hard with you waking so much, but even brand new you were kind and gave me 3 hours between feeds. you always tried to accept my soothing, even if I didn't realize your diaper was full or you needed to be burped. from the start its like you've always tried to make my life easier.

you were such a serious little newborn. always watchful and usually quiet. all the nurses and doctors talked about how you were not only cute, but so well behaved. and I couldnt help but beam with pride.

Time marched on, and its amazing how much you grew. You began to babble, little sounds at first, before full blown conversations were had. I think my favorite is how you mimic me-- after a sigh you let out a long "oh." You learned to smile. Small and unsure at first, until they turned into brilliant grins. I remember coming home from an appointment, and the moment you saw me your little face lit up with a giant grin. I learned that you love music. You adore when I put on concerts in the shower for you, and I love when I play you my favorite records and songs. And we both love when we're curled up together on the couch and I read to you.

You've filled my life with so much joy. The love you bring to my heart is like a spring day. Warm and bright, a feeling you never want to end. I cannot wait for what the future holds for you, I cant wait to see the man you become. But for now, with tears of sorrow and joy on my eyes, I bid your newborn phase goodbye.

Love,

Mommy