[Story] The first watch I ever bought lasted less than 12 hours

The first watch I got myself lasted less than the time it took for the hour hand to go all the way around. Almost exactly 12 hours to the dot.

I bought it at a local mall, with my first credit card. I was 19. It was a fashion watch and had a mineral crystal and it took up the entire $300 credit limit on the card. I was a sophomore in college and technically a virgin. And that night I was to meet a German girl who barely spoke English at my apartment for sex.

We'd met the night before at a house party where I'd taken my first beer bong, a two-floor monstrosity which was spiked with several shots of everclear. I became very drunk and apparently quite charming. The German girl had been part of the posse who took care of me and I'd made an impression on the girl somehow because she asked her friend, the party host, who I was, and that morning I had gotten a text that just said "cum ovr @7 😉"?

So after I got on Facebook and saw her photo, I'm buying this watch.

I had been keeping the credit card empty for a special occasion and this was rare enough for me to be considered extremely special.

I wish I could remember more about it than this, but here's what I recall: black leather strap, almost too shiny. Thin case, silver colored, maybe 9mm high. most definitely swindled into a quartz watch at a fucking mall kiosk. A white face, roman numerals. That's all I've got. I'm going to guess Emporio Armani.

But on to the smashing part.

We did have sex. I lost my virginity wearing that ugly stupid watch that night, while the movie I'd picked — gladiator — played in the background. It was pretty good. She was cute.

But that's not the end. For you see I lived with three US rangers who were all about four years older than me and total assholes.

They had been treating me like a little brother for that entire semester, and I had been the eldest child in my family so I wasn't having their shit. They thought it would be funny to try to undermine me, as I had stupidly bragged about the text over hangover coffee that morning. (They'd even put a comically large bra in my bed before my date. Which I caught before the girl did.)

So they pounded on the door and shit as me and this frau were snuggling post-coitus. I got up in my skivvies, and yes still had on my watch, and as I left the room to tell them to fuck themselves, one of them hit me in the ass with a stun gun.

Involuntarily, I swung my arm out and… well….

I swear to you that I knew it was only 12 hours to the dot that I owned that watch because I had set it at 11 am and I smashed it against the door jam and the glass bits went everywhere. But I didn't really notice because my ass felt like it was getting stabbed.

And the German girl left and the last I heard from her she was gangbanging the entire college baseball team. (I did wear a condom.)

And then I got into a fist fight with three army rangers who beat my ass.

I woke up the next morning and realized the watch was broken at 10:59.

And for about fifteen years I thought watches were cursed. Literally cursed.

So that's a watch story.

Are you not entertained?