(Ex)boyfriend rejected my advances only to be interested while I was griefing

Around 4 years ago, my mom died and my long distance boyfriend (now ex) came rushing to visit me at the time to support me emotionally, and it meant the world. While we were cuddling, he started kissing me and I thought it was just a regular kiss, but he started getting fired up and touching me. I really wasn't in the mood (not even a month passed since my mom died), yet I didn't say anything because I didn't want to "waste" an opportunity for us to finally have some intimacy.

Some context: he ALWAYS rejected my advances for a while. We only saw each other every 5-6 months, and it was torture not being able to hug and kiss the person I loved the most. After 2 years of him not being so eager to be intimate with me, I asked him why we couldn't even do some sexting (since you know, long distance) and he called me a sex addict. I'm the kind of person that cries out of joy when having sex, so it worsened my mental state when it was literally a way for me to show love for him, and he knew it. He even said he wasn't a teenager anymore (we started dating when I was 18, I'm 26 now) and had more important stuff to care about. Well, I had too???

At the time I just turned off my brain and let him do whatever, but nowadays, I don't what makes me remember this so much, but I feel terrible and disgusting. I didn't want him to throw it on my face that I rejected his advances, even though it was right after my mom died. He wouldn't do anything if I said no, but I even thought he would get mad if I refused after I got upset for him doing the same. Ironically, after that, our relationship was great for that year.

When we broke up in early 2025, I told my friends a bunch of stuff that made me mad and disappointed in him, but never this. It wasn't even considered as one of the motives, yet nowadays, I can't stop remembering this. I feel awful. I never told anyone about this and I feel so fucking dumb and ashamed.

I'm still friends with him, but this incident keeps nagging me. Sorry for any spelling mistake.