Could Your Partner Be Struggling With Their Mental Health? (34F/36M, together 9 years)

(34F) and my partner (36M) have been together 9 years (married 6). Over the last year, our relationship has felt like it’s slowly deteriorating, and I’m trying to understand whether we’re dealing with “relationship problems” or whether mental health might be a major factor that we’re missing.

The biggest changes I’ve noticed (compared to how he used to be):

• He’s more withdrawn and avoids conversations, especially about feelings or plans
• Irritability is way up—small things turn into arguments fast
• Sleep is inconsistent (either barely sleeping or sleeping a lot) and he seems exhausted
• Less interest in things he used to enjoy, less motivation overall
• He seems overwhelmed by normal responsibilities and gets stuck/“shuts down”
• When I ask what’s wrong, I get “I’m fine” or “I don’t know”

I’m not trying to diagnose him, and I know I can’t “fix” someone. I’m also aware that I might be contributing to the cycle (I push for answers, he pulls away, then we both feel unheard). But I’m worried that if we treat this only like a communication issue, we’ll keep missing the bigger picture and end up resenting each other.

For those who’ve been through something similar:

1. What were the signs that your partner was struggling with depression/anxiety/ADHD/burnout (or something else) vs. just being unhappy in the relationship?
2. How did you bring it up without it sounding like blame?
3. Did therapy help? Did individual therapy vs couples therapy make a difference?
4. If medication became part of the picture, did it change the relationship dynamic (for better or worse)?

I genuinely want to approach this with compassion and protect the relationship before it gets to the point of no return.

TL;DR: My partner (36M) has become withdrawn, irritable, exhausted, and disengaged over the last year. We’ve been together 9 years (34F/36M). Looking for advice on how to tell if mental health may be driving the relationship decline, and how to bring up getting help (therapy/possibly medication) without blaming him.