20M feeling depressed although everything about my life looks great on paper

Hello,

I am 20M and everything in my life is on paper looking great, I am about to land a good part time job as I study law in university. I train a lot, strength training and MMA, I have an amazing relationship with the love of my life.

I just feel so depressed and feel so much pressure on me. I study law and it's something I just don't want to do. My father always set really high standards on me and pushed me to do great in school, I worked so hard and managed to get into a good university where I study law after I finished my military service. My father was abusive and beat my two sisters when we grew up, I really don't want to get an office job and lack motivation to study, whenever I study I get panic attacks and I just feel so horrible and it gets worse and worse everyday, it takes me hours in the morning to convince myself to get out of my bed and I can't sleep at night. I'm afraid of dropping out of university and how my father would react to it. The thought of having a job that swallows up my whole life and having to dedicate 80% of my life and free time to studying for 4 more years to land a job I hate the idea of gives me such horrible anxiety. I don't know what to do. I just want to move out and start my life. Worse and worse thoughts about myself are becoming more and more prevalent everyday, my room is always a mess and I'm starting to neglect my own hygiene and I'm so ashamed of it.

If I drop out and start some sort of education to become an electrician for example, which sounds like something I would like a lot, I'd still have to share the same household with my father and I just can't handle that. I feel so much pressure and despite passing my exams so far and performing well, he is still unhappy cause the results just aren't good enough.

I'm starting to neglect my training and personal interests, I'm just at a loss on what to do.

I'm sorry for not formulating myself well but I can't concentrate on anything right now.