How to handle my autistic mother now I have a kid

I was wondering if anyone had a similar experience and could offer any insights or advice. My mom is very clearly autistic (AuDHD) and is going through the process of being diagnosed. She lives 10 minutes away and I see her about once or twice a week with my toddler. The problem is, I’m starting to realise how much spending time with her is affecting my mood. She does this thing that drives me insane, she initiates spending time with us but does nothing to help with the toddler. She often just stands or sits there while I parent, not doing anything, just watching me.

I find it infuriating when I am having a tough time getting the little guy out the door or I’m parenting while sick and she just does nothing. She often makes comments that the toddler doesn’t want her, they just want me. This has been a recurring theme since I gave birth.

I’ve recently come to realise that I’d rather just stay home with my toddler on my day off and at the weekends, or spend time with other friends, rather than go to her house with him. It’s like she wants us there but doesn’t want to really engage with us in a reciprocal way. She also asks/expects me to help her often with things she needs to do or stuff around the house. I get it that toddlers can be tricky but sort of feel like you have to take the rough with the smooth if you want to spend time with them. Has anyone experienced anything similar? I feel like I don’t want to just reduce contact without explaining why but also know that she will likely get upset and say I’m asking for too much (again a recurring theme since I became a mom).