Did anyone feel something similar?

Did anyone experience something similar to this? I used to love books before my cptsd got worse, and I was talking to a girl who also loves the same books as me, or atleast what I should love, when she got excited knowing what books I read she grabbed my hands excitedly and squeezed them, I couldn't squeeze them back until the third time, I felt a little bit of glee since I had been alone for so long and didn't have any positive physical contact for 5 years, I went home though and I realized that I felt a mimicry of glee, not happiness, and I just wept for 3 hours straight but even those tears were felt more in my throat rather than emotionally and I could have stopped anytime but then I kept crying to remind myself I'm human and anyways even if I cry or don't I will get numb again either way and it's just it was intense that day but even normally I'm so jealous seeing people living with all their emotions feeling everything and not even appreciating when I don't even remember what being whole felt like and sure, I don't want them to lose it but still