I failed yesterday, but one day I'll achieve freedom

20F, yesterday I took some methadone pills and zolpidem pills, but my parents took me to the hospital and I vomitted everything (I dont remember most of it)

If one day I can get my hands on a bottle of full nethadone pills without my parents knowing, I'll really free myself. For now, they want me to get ECT treatment. Ive gotten to a point where I dont care if I lose half my memories. My goal is no longer to be a professional artist, to be a functional member of society, or even be stable. I just want to die and free myself. The greatest accomplishment in this life will be not giving birth to children to possibly suffer a similar or even worse fate than mine.