Empath here with an alcoholic husband.

I consider myself to be strong in the sense that I can bear a lot on my shoulders. I’ve been through quite a few challenging times in life but always managed to pull through and remain positive. I’m generally a happy person and usually hopeful about things. I’m also extremely empathetic. Meaning - I feel other people’s pain quite quickly and easily and it adds to the weight (that I can bear) on my shoulders. I fear guilt (because I had loved ones pass away in my youth and still regret things I did or didn’t do - silly, small things).

I am married for almost 20 years. My husband is a bit of a narcissist (maybe?) and an alcoholic. Our marriage has always been up and down. Sometimes things are great and I’m grateful. Other times - especially lately - it feels for the first time too much to bear. I hope I’m not contradicting myself.

I don’t think I’m in love with him anymore. But - sometimes I tell myself that nobody is “in love “ after all these years. I’m very close with my stepchildren - whom I’ve made things very nice for thru the years with little efffort from him. I’ve shielded them as best as I could from their father “passed out drunk “ on the couch. Or his inability to adhere to social norms.

He can be nasty and extremely possessive with me. And then other times lost and kind.

He had a difficult childhood - I know it’s not an excuse. There’s so much more but I guess I’ve been contemplating leaving him. But the empath in me is afraid he’ll drink himself to death and I’ll never forgive myself. It’s silly. I know. And I find myself becoming more unhappy as time goes on. I just don’t know what to do …. Anyone else understand ?