30F with 30M bringing up deep issues bothering him for years, is he trying to fix things or just control things?

Hi all. This is going to be a bit messy and I'm sorry but I am just at such a loss.

We have been together going on 12 years and my husband and I had our son last year after a couple of years of trying filled with two losses. I had a traumatic birth and it really messed me up postpartum. I anticipated I would have PPD and was correct. Sprinkle in me being a full time graduate student and returning to work part time, I've been burning at both ends. We also are pregnant again and admittedly, all of this has come at the cost of not being as present.

At the start of this year, my husband had what we are calling a snap. He completely changed his personality and behaviors. Started yelling and screaming, name calling, bringing up old issues, saying there's new ones, purposely using traumatic things from my past against me to get me afraid of him. He's turned into an unrecognizable person and after a week separation because I needed to breathe, I think we finally uncovered the cause.

He feels I have been intimately disconnected and there is truth in that. I am horrible at connecting deeply to people, largely from my past and his behaviors has only made me turn further away as they triggered a lot of deep scars. Additionally, he has always been the one to reconcile after previous disagreements and he feels he has suppressed all of his emotions in order to let me process mine. I am truly trying to reflect and am just left baffled that if I was really doing this (which I am doubting), why did he let it fester for years. He claims it is because he loved me.

Now, getting to where we are now. He says I need to be the one to help him emotionally regulate now as he feels it is my turn, after years of apparently not doing it myself. He says he has to prove to himself that he can control the situation more than he loves me and to see if I can love him more than my need to control things. I have never wanted the control he said I have had for years. I came from a dysfunctional home and have tried very hard to be the complete opposite but I am truly trying to see things from his lens.

So, reddit, do you think he is trying to fix things or is this just appearing to be some control mechanism? I am just struggling as, even he had admitted, the timing of all of this is just horrible and has worsened my mental struggles post partum but I am trying not to let that be the focus.