Have you initiated dialogue with the parts of you that disgust you the most? How has that changed your relationship to your shadow?

I have a character who I see in my dreams. He is grey, looks kind of old and wrinkly and he can be very hostile and aggressive. I’ve tried kicking him out of the party and he always remains and sometimes I let him stay. It has been instinctual.

He is essentially a Dorian Grey and his actions are so disgusting that I haven’t managed to integrate them enough. I realize I have to integrate this part of me in order to become whole and to step into a bigger arena in life.

I will call him Mr greyman and I think I will start a dialogue with him. I’m surprised I’ve never done this before. I really want him to come home and at the same time I realize how much it will flip my world upside down once I no longer associate with the cute child pictures of myself.

It’s a bit harsh to realize that we spend so much time building up a greyman until he is effective enough at his job- to protect us, but we almost never like him. I find it really unfair that a part of my needs to be a bit marginalized by myself for doing such a hard job but what can I say- I hate his cruel behavior.

I’m 28 now, and I think the only real goal I have is to integrate him before I reach 30 if I can. I hate being Jekyll and Hyde. Even if it was exciting. Have you created dialogue as well? How did it change things for you?