Something about life

When I was a kid, I used to be on the internet a lot of the time and I used to watch all these videos that I guess shaped who I was as a person. It really made me feel insecure about myself I became more careful, quiet and introverted pared with the fact that I was reflecting on my time at school and how I behaved. I used to watch it because I thought it was cool and mature enough. But then when I got older, I started to act out on my insecurities because of those videos. I thought it was normal when deep down inside I was insecure I started to be more negative about things I started to confuse being offensive, edgy and rebellious about everything (even when there was no point into doing all of that) as the right thing or started to really play into it to the point where It wasn't funny. Then later on like earlier this year or maybe later on last year I tried to figure out why I was like this and started to just figure out what was wrong with me. As of now I'm at a crossroads where I don't really know what to do. I'm still holding onto a piece of me that still doesn't want to grow up because I feel like I'm just going to give up and give in my freedom to fit in like a brick in a brick wall and I don't want that to be the case. I don't want to end up like everyone else who sighs and yearns about "the good ol days" when they had every chance to keep that part of them. I especially don't want to end up like my teachers especially this one who gives me that "Goody two shoes class prefect teachers pet" who has just been pissing me off in terms of his existence and him just boasting about "doing the right thing". He even looks ugly and sounds ugly. To me everyone at my school is fucked up in every sort of way since its a online learning based platform. Theres a lot of people who used to be like me their always chronically online or illiterate or maybe even insecure. fun fact did you know I used to think that if you weren't chronically online then you where a shitty person.